will life really get better?

hi, i just turned 18 and dropped out bc of my mental health. i feel so behind and disappointed in myself. i thought i would get better, but i didn’t. there are days when i think about ending it, and days when i tell myself i’ll try harder. but this week, i’ve just felt tired, like i’m only counting my days now. i’ve even started looking things up about it. maybe if it weren’t so hard in my situation, i might have already done it. i’m not even scared anymore. but at the same time, i still want to finish my favorite shows, which feels ridiculous as a reason to keep going. i hate this cycle because it never seems to endddd