The ? Iz

Let me say b you’re not my person anymore. You probably were if all clues add up. Let me say this. I wanted them to move on because I knew I was giving her what she deserved. She loved so deep and I was such a monster. Then I found someone. Someone others called my “pretend” family. Someone who made me want to change the path my life was on. I’m sorry about how things ended with my ex wife. 24years is a 1/3 of a lifetime. However I wasn’t there I wasn’t committed to it. I was there for all the wrong reasons. I found my someone in something that was called pretend. I never held a grudge, quite the opposite actually I wanted to see my ex do good. I wanted to see her happy because for as much as I didn’t give I knew she genuinely deserved happiness. My anger came from the 🛎️ and how that was taken from me and I never got to try and explain. Now i wouldn’t want them to see me because I got myself stuck in the same cycle that caused all the pain in the first place. But her I am trying to fix myself so I can give my new someone the love they deserve. Happiness was something I never thought was real… till I found mine. And now I have to work everyday until I’m ready to go home and can be the person they need. I still have positive feelings towards my ex. 24 yrs almost and a kid together count for something. I just can’t be at her beck and call. I just hope one day I can fix things before the bell goes off in my head. Iz there still time I wonder? Only time will tell. What makes it the hardest on me is knowing my daughter would LOVE my “pretend” family. How she would fit right in. But idk if I’ll ever get to see that day. But I have to fix me 1st then I before I could ever be a parent / partner to any of them. I just wish she coulda seen me before I fell apart this time. I was so close to getting it right. So fucking close. Atleast I can say I kept all my possessions this time. I stopped myself before I had to leave with nothing again. So progress I guess. My line is open and I would love to speak to her if she’d talk to me. Either of you really. But understand I love Z. I love her like you loved me. I really had hoped ch woulda been the man you wanted from me. I genuinely want you to have the same feelings I do when I see her text or call me. The school girl excitement I get when I see her name on my screen. I wish he did that for you. I only wanted you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted. I doubt you’ll see this or if you do you’ll never acknowledge it. Just know that that hatchet has been buried for a long time

-m