I feel like these men use us until our youth is washed up.

Until they've sucked the light out of us. Until our body isn't attractive anymore (to most) due to kids if in circumstances you have kids with them. Until your face gets wrinkly and until they're done having fun with you.

I just remember I used to be able to find a hook up or a man so easy. I remember having stable money, a calm mind and no paranoia ever of what a man did behind my back. Now I'm insecure BECAUSE of him and lost my confidence and would never be able to pull the guys I used to.

now if I leave him, which I already tried to thus my flair but keep getting sucked in his stupid tricks over and over (sorry I've failed) I'd be homeless. I literally lost my money to be with him because I was on government support and marriage ruined that.

I brought him from the bottom up. he was living with a roommate before. I provided him food, a warm house. but now if I wanna leave its a problem and ILL be the one on the streets.

I don't know. I'm so beyond pissed. cause he says he wouldn't make me homeless if I left him but then contradicts with words.

I'm just upset. why do men mentally abuse us then wait until we're not pretty enough. because I'm telling you. when I lost my beauty at least half of it, his demeanor changed.

I heard a quote. "Some animals like to.play with their food before they eat it" right now. I feel like im being played. and soon to be chewed up and spit out in a few more years of this.

I said I'd leave. I struggled to leave. more arguments came out of that. more sleepless nights or even too much sleep.

he hasn't hit me but sure has raised a fist. ykno. I don't even know what to say. I'm deeply disappointed in myself for not just GOING.

and yeah, as far as I'm aware he's quit usage and has listened to podcasts. BUT THEN WHY THE HELL? Why is he still irritable at everything and doesn't like to communicate about the past.

why does he go to bed if he's tired of the argument and leaves me awake crying or going through it over and over in my mind?

oh but then says sorry and cooks me breakfast in bed. the loop continues. cycle always continues.

fuck this man.

I don't even know if this post makes sense. I don't care.