The first time I asked for a raise, I started the conversation with an apology. "Sorry to bring this up, but..." I cringe remembering it. I literally apologised for believing I was worth more money.

 The response was predictably lukewarm. My manager said she'd "see what she could do." Nothing happened for two months. When I followed up, I got a 3% increase that barely matched inflation.
 

 What I didn't understand then was that the apology framed the entire conversation. It signalled that I wasn't sure I deserved it. And if I wasn't sure, why would she be? I'd undermined my case before I'd even made it.
 

 Years later, I learned to open differently: "I'd like to discuss my compensation because I believe there's a gap between what I'm delivering and how it's reflected." No apology. No hedging. A clear statement of what I want to talk about and why. The same manager, different conversation, different outcome. She leaned in. She asked what I had in mind. She approved a 12% adjustment within a fortnight.
 
 The words you use to start a request set the tone for everything that follows. Start from a position of clarity, not apology.
 
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