My girlfriend's roommate accused my roommate of rape.

I need advice, so here I am.

Not sure where to start, so I'm going to jump around a bit. I'm also paraphrasing a lot here.

Also, I'm saying 'girlfriend' because at the time, she was. Currently she is an ex-girlfriend. I'll call my roommate 'Mark', and my ex's roommate 'Diane'

So Mark and Diane have been dating since early 2025, it always seemed like an odd pair, but, none of my business. Also Mark is Diane's manager.

in October of 2025, Mark says "Diane has accused me of rape" and he's obviously upset, he says I didn't do that, I wouldn't do that. He said the only thing that came remotely close is A time when consent perhaps was not directly stated. (which of course is not ideal by any means) I didn't know what to say, but they are still dating, so I guessed they are working through it? idk

For the next couple months they are off and on, they never seem happy. and they finally break it off completely some time in November or December. seems like the best call for everyone. also at some point Diane stopped working at the restaurant they both worked at. Mark is still the manager there.

In January, Diane and a friend want to go to a party with a lot of people who work at the same restaurant. Diane's friend texts Mark and says, 'don't show up' Mark decides to show up, there is some contention, I've gathered. (I was not there) and the result of this is Diane wants to accuse him publicly of the rape.

This gets around to my girlfriend, and also in January she's like "Diane says Mark raped her, you should not hang out with Mark" which on its face is pretty reasonable, I don't want to make a habit of hanging out with rapists, right?

But there are some factors:

Mark and I are roommates, so I'd kind of have to move? (perhaps I should have 🤷)

Mark and I actually own this house with a third partner, so even if I did move I would still have some kind of tie, in the form of a 30 year mortgage. Just a factor

I had heard Mark 'tell me what happened' back in October, so I was probably already thinking this is more of a miscommunication thing? idk

So those are a couple things that initially make me want to slow down and not immediately cut off contact.

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also, me and Mark aren't hanging out every day, we have opposite work schedules, and so we probably actually hang out like maybe once a week, so it's not like I'm with him all the time,

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Either way, I'm slow to act on this. I haven't talked to Mark about this since he brought it up in October.

Then it just kind of heats up every couple days for a few weeks

My girlfriend says it's really bad, Diane's having a really hard time

Diane decides to report Mark to Mark's boss.

Diane talks to everyone they worked with, basically to get dirt on Mark.

Diane makes a police report (my girlfriend once said offhandedly 'so that it doesn't seem like she's just trying to get him fired')

Mark is suspended from work for around 5 days or so, I think his bosses were talking to everyone they had worked with and listening to Diane,

my girlfriend is wanting me to do more in the way of distancing myself from Mark.

Anyway that's pretty much as bad as it all got, Mark is unsuspended from work, the police report doesn't go anywhere, Diane is definitely not over it, but nothing is really happening.

Then in early February my girlfriend says " Diane is uncomfortable with you being at my house anymore because you're still friends with Mark." so I am not going to her house anymore. during this time it's clear Diane and her friend want me and my girlfriend to break up.

Then things kind of come to a head with my girlfriend in mid February. she's pretty much saying 'how can you justify being friends with Mark', and it's clear she's thinking about breaking up with me. we have a long talk, and we end the conversation with me saying "okay I want to talk to Mark and see what he has to say, and if it's not making any sense or gives me a bad feeling, then I'll go from there and figure out how to get myself out of this.

feels like a day had gone by, when my girlfriend broke up with me.

damn, bummer.

that was a Thursday, on Sunday she came by to get her things, but we got to talking and decided to kind of sit with it for 2 weeks, during that time I would actually get to talk to Mark, then 2 weeks from then we'd decide if we wanted to get back together. so for two weeks things kinda felt normal with me and her. Nothing was really happening with Mark and Diane.

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thanks for reading, this is where everything kind of turns upside down imo

(of course I am biased because I know Mark, but I am really trying to tell it how it is)

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So on Friday just before the two week deadline I sit down with Mark and we go through the whole thing start to finish nothing left out. We went through basically all of Mark and Diane's texts from the entire time they've known each other. Here are the relevant factors. And I did not go easy on him, I was really trying to not just take his word for it. I try to take this sort of thing seriously for obvious reasons.

(keep In mind this conversation is in early March 2026)

So what happened? and when did it happen?

Diane says one day in June 2025 Mark was black out drunk, he came over, they started having sex, and then she wanted to be done, and he didn't stop.

-she made this accusation in October 2025,

-in the accusations she says Mark wouldn't remember it, because he was drunk. not to mention she's saying it happened months ago.

-she never mentioned to a single person at any point from June to October that a rape had occurred. everyone involved agrees with this. Mark, and my girlfriend. (this might not sound like a big deal, I might want to keep something traumatic to myself too. but Diane has a friend that she is very very very close with, they usually sleep in the same bed. if there was something to tell someone she would tell it to this friend.)

- it was a bad relationship from day one. just manipulative, horrible communication, borderline emotional abuse from Diane (Mark was definitely not blameless but she was the instigator for most of this stuff. I'm basing this off of knowing both of them and seeing all their texts for over a year)

-throughout august and September Mark and Diane, and broken up and gotten back together like 4 times and at least one of those times Mark broke it off with Diane and then she wanted to get back together.

-the very moment Diane accused Mark of rape, (October 2025) this is what was going on:

Mark and Diane are at a bar,

Diane's ex walks past,

she says, 'that guy is a POS'

Mark says, 'you know what, I think I'm fine with that guy'

Diane *crying* says 'he raped me while we were dating'

Mark says 'oh damn my bad, he's a POS'

idk what was said next ......

at some point Mark says 'why did you keep dating him if he had raped you'

Diane says 'that's what I'm doing right now because you raped me.'.

-- this is all heavily paraphrased, but I pretty much heard the same thing from both Mark and my girlfriend. but that is how the final accusation was made

(this one is not super relevant...)

-at some point after Diane and her ex had broken up she called a bunch of bars that he had gone to with a fake ID and told them this guy p a fake ID, pretty much just to get him in trouble.

So my take on all of this,

I feel like the fact that she didn't tell a soul this rape had happened is very odd. I find it hard to believe that she had been thinking to herself "I've been raped by this person" from June until October and never said it. never even said it when Mark broke things off with her. it was only when she and Mark had talked about another person that had raped her that she finally decided it was time? that doesn't make sense to me.

I think it's much more likely that her present day interactions with Mark were coloring her memory somewhat. and that was a big factor as to why she reported when she did.

I think some interaction did happen in June, probably something that made her feel uncomfortable. and that is not great. that is bad. but if you have a partner and you're comfortable with that partner, and you mix drugs/alcohol with sexual encounters... and you have really really bad communication..... I don't know. considering all those factors, I find it extremely hard to believe that an outright Capital R Rape occured, and she's didn't say a single word about it for 4 months, even through getting dumped by her 'rapist'.

this is so long. thanks for reading.

so anyway I basically told my girlfriend that I can't end a friendship on this, and so we broke up.

I am looking for advice on whether or not I made the right decision.

I'm pretty unsure of myself because I think I would have married my girlfriend, and I threw it away to hang out with a potential rapist? That sucks.

Tell me I'm wrong or tell me I made the right call.

I feel like I can't really ask people I know for advice because of the sensitive subject.

Please tell me what you think. and ask questions if you need more info.

(also I know my situation is the B-plot in this story, I'm sorry, I am just looking for input, and if there is anything compelling I can bring it to Mark)

Thanks Reddit