Is what I want unrealistic.

I’m a 18 year old bottom and I’m a virgin but I really wanna have sex. I want it to be enjoyable for my first time and not for them to rush it and it hurt. I want to have hard sex tho, like slow at first and little by little then when I get used to it I want them to go hard. I’m also very petite I’m 5’4 110 so I’m scared a big dick is just gonna destroy me but I want it to be big. Also I hate when old men try to do something with me like I just want someone with an above average dick not fat or old and I also don’t want a relationship I just wanna have sex. Am I asking for to much.