Aitah for not telling my bf that I defended him in front of my ex?

before I start the post… I need to give a brief context about the past so please bear with me

In November 2023, I started dating this guy ’P’ he was really amazing and all green flags and everything we vibed and we connected , he genuinely helped me overcome a lot of my anxiety as well..we were solid up until I shifted to another town (just 65 kms away) for my college in *Sep 2024*… 1 night in feb 2025…I got a call from my best friend …he told me that he confronted P as find out that P kissed someone else …Then I talked to P as I couldn’t believe that thing he didn’t deny and we broke up 1 week later

[my hometown and the my old place I used to live are different cities for later context]

later that month, I ended my having drinks with one of the senior …and we hit it off…and less then a month later we were spending too much time together while I was still processing my brake up with P and was still in contact with him ….the senior guy “N” knew what has happened…but in starting he thought it all casual from his side and didn’t care…later on he started developing feeling while I was still processing and wasn’t even over P…but yet me and N Started dating in march 2025…he got mad at me for talking to P…so I stopped doing that but then sometimes I go home and unblock P and talk to him…and didn’t tell N…[ a little something about N..he is a nice guy but he has impulsivity and tamper issues…that means he gets serious mad at small things ..while I would just apologize and later on explain it to him…this was just the starting when we both were not serious and he would just block me away for falling asleep while texting at night]

[at one night we sneaked out and went to one of his friend’s place …I told him how low I felt after break up …and he tried to hug and kiss me…I said I don’t want to…and he got upset over that…we both forgive each other later ]

our foundation was week we would fight a lot…now in May 2025 I went back to to my old place met my friends…and I met with P…and later at night me and N also had a fight because of insecurity…and 2 days later I was going back To meet N…when I reached his place …we had fun but at night we huge fight …like he wanted to end things now…it took a few days so get a hold of him again and sort this out and had another fight when I confirmed his insecurity that I did infect meet my ex …we were now still together than in July I saw there were 10 missed calls from a blocked number and it was my ex…he had panic attack he was sick and he called me a lot…eventually I ended up calling him and talked with him for few days on instagram…My bf N figured out he was leaving for his hometown and he didn’t tell me that he knew…and I also stopped talking to my ex …then me and N had HUGE fight again because he was really anxious and couldn’t hold it in anymore …he told me to come to his hometown…we schemed a whole plan ..what to say to parents and etc…I took the overnight bus reached there had drinks with him…and then we had the actual confrontation…I lied ..I didn’t know what to say…he got mad and slapped me …it went on the whole night …next morning I was supposed to come home…we got late …and my parents were really angry and knew that i wasn’t With my friend and I spent 2 night with a boy….it was a lot of fighting at home…and with him …but after 2 weeks…he finally stayed with him…

now he told me again again past few month about the girl “R“ that he talked to…he used to do it when he felt insecure and he made plans to meet him and hookup…I told him not to talk to her anymore…but she kept coming back…in oct 25 my exams ended I we t to my hometown and he went to his…and I found out that he texted 2 girls on telegram …and said “he doesn't even remember texting them and it was out of habit of opening telegram and texting someone” it was the whole thing but he brushed it off at the end Saying they are not even imp that’s why he didn’t remember texting them….but the time stamp was the 2 nights before while we were on call! And he forgot that he texted…..

now Nov 25, we came back from hometowns we meet but my parents caught us..they took us to Dean of the college…and everything was going to shit..but stayed with each other at every step

Jan 26, he saw one mail I wrote to myself …about how I felt unsafe and suffocated when we would fight and he would use abusive words or block me …he wanted to end things that time for me

he went to meet his friend in different city…and he was feeling insecure/separation anxiety kept bringing my ex and told me to go talk to him…so He can go have some other girl {without guilty conscious basically} …he resisted and told him not to anything…then his final year university exam date sheet came and he started getting mad at me saying I wasted his Whole year with this ex drama and now the exams 1 month before they were expected to happen …but after 2 days we were back to normal…he came back…we studied together for his exam

‘now through dec-feb he would go in spiral or get upset over small things and ask me to block him instead of himself doing it…and curse if I said no I won’t block u

feb 26, I had my class test..in between my mom was diagnosed with cancer…so I had to go back to my old place for night before heading Back to my hometown ….that night he got mad at me for staying there and ‘asked me to block him so we won’t say bad things to me …I was furious but I didn’t have energy to fight me and be with my mom at the same time so I did block him again. Went to my hometown he was still insecure and the cycle was repeating again…I came back …and he told me he went on date with a girl out of curious…but he is telling me instead of hiding like every time before he would tell me that he contacted other girl

for some reason I understood it …after fighting with him the whole day…then march month went into exams we were busy no one got insecure or overthink….

then April started ….i made-a terrible mistake ..I made contact with P to defend N …to tell my ex that N is nice guy he maybe impulsive he cares and loves me and choose me…but I didn’t tell my bf because it would affect his mental state and hence the exams

his Exams ended…he dropped me off and my mom saw us…she made a comment about it..I understood what she meant …told my bf… he said let’s take a break until this sorts out….i didn’t need a solution I needed someone to comfort….we had a fight…next 2 days he made comments and jokes about wanting to have threesome and he told me he is going to his friends place and having threesome…he said u can go to ur ex and let me have this freedom I really want it… today he asked to go through my phone …and then i spilled ki I had a chat with my ex…and mow he broke up and everything Feels shitty and wrong

ik I am the AH…I just want to hear wtf happened to me…wtf was wrong