AIW for breaking up with my boyfriend

AIW for breaking up with my boyfriend

I (22F) was in a long distance relationship with a guy from my hometown (23M) from January to April, and I’m trying to figure out if I overreacted by ending things.

Early on, I found out he wasn’t honest about still talking to another girl when we first got together up until the day he came to visit me. He only told me after we became intimate and was about to post me, and even then downplayed it as them just “kicking it.” The girl later messaged me with screenshots showing he was actually interested in her and that they had a past one night stand, which he never told me. I even matched times he would get off the phone with me to when he was talking to her. That already messed with my trust, but I stayed.

Then I found a video on his socials (he gave me access) of him saying a racial slur. I’m Black and he’s not. When I confronted him, it turned into a huge argument where he said a lot of offensive things about Black people, then said he was done and hung up. After I blocked him, he blew up my phone, contacted my family, and emailed me saying he was going to do something bad. He had actually started to do said bad thing, and I had to calm him down. We ended up talking it out and staying together.

Two weeks later, he told me he was going to dinner with an older “teacher” (35F). I said it felt weird, but he reassured me. He was out from 7pm–1am and his location was at a parking garage for a while, which felt off. He said I was accusing him and that he was just showing her a place tied to a past incident.

A few days later, he broke up with me saying I left him at his lowest, but still kept calling me every night. Later, I found out they had kissed that night, and then he admitted he slept with her the next day after we broke up.

His explanation is that he was drunk when they kissed and felt manipulated and guilt-tripped into everything, like he didn’t have a choice. He also said he had been venting to her about our relationship beforehand. He offered to show messages, but changed his mind because he said they’d hurt me and there was more heavy petting than he thought he eventually showed them and he was mad I was asking him to.

I still tried to believe him because I didn’t want to dismiss the possibility that he felt pressured, I even ended up getting back with him after that.

But recently I ended things because I can’t get certain things out of my head, and there are a lot of smaller issues too like getting upset over small things like me not texting first one day, even though he had previously said I was “too available.”

I still care about him and he’s been trying to act better the past few days, but everything feels like a lot for such a short relationship.

AIW for breaking up with him?

⚠️ TL;DR: Long distance ex lied about another girl early on, had a pattern of hiding/changing details, had a major incident involving racist comments and emotional breakdowns, then later went out with a “teacher,” kissed her while drunk, and slept with her after breaking up. Now claims he was manipulated/pressured. Got back together. There was no current issue but I no longer feel at ease with the situation AIW?⚠️