Burned out and got fired - again

After burning out in my second job, I found out last July that I’m likely AuDHD, and I’ve been trying to make sense of my life through that lens since then.

Today, after getting fired of my job,(cause I got very angry last Tuesday, after months feeling horrible) I was told that my lack of control — things like getting overwhelmed, sounding angry, and sometimes isolating myself from my teammates — isn’t ADHD or anything like that. They said it’s just “wrong behavior.”

That hit me really hard.

Because from my perspective, those moments happen when I’m already overloaded. It’s not like I choose to react that way. It feels like something in me just shuts down or spikes and I lose access to the “version” of me that knows how to act properly.

I do have moments where I function well socially, communicate clearly, and feel like I understand everything. But it’s not consistent, and when I lose that, it affects how people see me.

Now I’m stuck wondering:

Am I using AuDHD as an excuse without realizing it?

Or are people just misunderstanding what dysregulation actually looks like?

How do you take responsibility for your behavior while also acknowledging that your brain works differently?

If anyone here is AuDHD or has dealt with emotional regulation issues at work, I’d really appreciate your perspective. I feel like I’m being told this is entirely my fault, and I don’t know what to do with that.