I hate beauty standards so much and I don’t know why I feel so strongly that I have to conform to them

I have hip dips, and no matter how much weight I lose they won’t fucking go away. It’s caused in part by my leg muscles, so I’ve been undereating to lose muscle, which ik is unhealthy but I just really want to fit all of the beauty standards. I’m not even trying to attract men or anything, I‘m a lesbian—I guess I just wanna be pretty if nothing else, cause I’m not a cool or interesting person so looks are my only appeal, and it’s easier to change how I look than to change who I am, yk? And I’ve always been desperate for friends or just like to be interacted with at all because my social anxiety makes it impossible to approach people and no matter how much I try to overcome my social anxiety I can’t. But anyways, part of the problem with my hip dips is that my fucking bone structure makes it impossible to not have at least a bit of a dip. So I’m just trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible. I wanna wear crop tops but I can’t rn because I’m too insecure about my torso