Never-ending shit cycle

Never-ending shit cycle

(sorry for bad english in this text)

I'm so afraid of losing my father.

He had been the best dad ever when me and my little sister were growing up and tries to be on these days too just as good as he was (I'm 26F).

He just doesn't have the powers anymore even though he tries to hide it all the time.

He stopped his schools at the age of 16 to provide living for him and his wife, since wife (my mother) started kind of high school (not the exact same in our country, EU-country) and they wouldn't be able to eat or live anywhere unless they had proper income. Also he provided always as much as he could for his parents since they were working full time but not so good paid.

He worked as truck driver and musician from the age of 18 (before that other jobs).

He collected/saved enough money to buy my for my grandparents and to them (my father and mother) a two house and some land around it. Renovated the other house.

He stopped being musician when I was born (my parents were then 27), since he didn't want to miss me growing up and didn't want to give the example of musicians lifestyle for me through friends etc.

He went back to school to read himself to be electrician. He graduated, started his own company in 2007 (when I was 7).

He was really, really succesfull and quite a big name in 2015. We had great life in overall, financially too. All his hard work paid off.

Now, he... Oh gosh I fucking hate this.

Well then. 2016 his company crashed down due to mistake done by computer glitch and he owed so much money (117 thousand) to some companies, even though the payments were supposed to be done succesfully. I can't explain this better since English isn't my first language.

He tried to fight so bad, but no matter how hard he tried to earn those moneys and make banks even it wasn't doable anymore and the company had to be shut down.

That was 2017 and he crashed down too.

So much overweight, greatly depressed, burned out, anxious 24-7, drinking quite a bit (but still working and trying to figure out something to provide his family), started smoking cigarettes again... Total chaos.

He tried to seek help and all the possibilities you could name, he did it.

He opened new company 2017/2018 so he could take care of those depts. That had to be shut down too in 2022 due to not being able to balance those accounts with that kind of money.

During the years 2022-2024 he injured his knee and ankle and working as electrician has been super hard on him but he still did it because of no choices-situation.

2024 he opened new company and this time around he started really discussing and searching for funder to give bigger and better start for his "products". He truly is one of the best in his professional field and its such a shame he can't make things work after this chaotic mistake.

Now, today, I saw him again in such big pain. He has suffered so much and tried his best for his family, parents and all people around him (his previous workers, friends..) he has never been hesitant of helping anyone. And he doesn't wait for someone to help him but he has it all on his shoulders.

Now I saw how much he has aged, he was so down. Told me he started depression medication, still smiling and trying his best.

My mom is trying her best in her field but that work is not highly paid for (dentist assist) so she can't help but just to work 9-5 everyday and try to keep positive attitude and support his husband the best way she can.

I fucking hate this.

Me and my husband are very succesfull in our professional field and get along very well, but we still don't hold the kind of money or power to offer funding for balancing it all out finally and getting it rolling with the new thing (which by the way was accepted and interested by the banks etc., but just because of the old markings and depts he wasn't able to get his funding there either. How is he supposed to fix it if he won't have the chance? Afterall it was the "companys mistake" then by name, not personally his. But by law, it's his I know)...

He will get sick, he will die "young" if this goes on. But I cannot do anything and everything we've tried hasn't bloomed. There must be a way, I'm so hard trying to see that.

I can't sleep right now, I have two little boys of my own (my boys are 3 month old and 1 year old) and just thinking how much they'll miss out of him when he is so down of life. And he loves life, loves everyone around him.

I can't accept this but it seems that I really just have to continue being silent around him and just watch as his life goes by like this hell loop. And eventually get sick and die.

I'm feeling so unwell. Feeling all the time that I'm going to puke. I really feel the pressure to get to be millionare so i just could easily fix his situation now cause I know how capable he truly is if he just has the normal situation. And he has invented so much in his field. Argh.

What the hell can I do? Really nothing left?