Suspected ADHD

(TW: Mention of sewerslide)

Hello everyone. I don’t really know whats wrong with me. ive quit college since I was failing most of my classes which is not a shock at all because ive been like this since I can remember. My academic history is really bad most of the time my grades are barely passing.

A lil bit of background. Im 20 years old rn, I used to study psychology in a state university dito sa mindanao. First year and first semester my academic standing was okay but after 2nd sem everything fell, I lost motivation and bumalik yung mga habits ko like mag puyat sa gabi, focusing on distracting myself instead of studying, going to classes once in a week. I got an INC during my 2nd semester but my professor was kind enough to give me a chance. During this time din i had to get a behavioral contract sa guidance counselor and luckily enough adviser sya ng section ko. I told her why I do those things (the puyat and addiction sa laro) and also told her about why I was failing my classes (cant focus and it feels like my body is in paralysis whenever I have to do a task) and she told me maybe I just needed sleep. For a month I followed her advice, I made sleeping early a habit but ayun hindi parin gumana. 2nd year first semester was hell for me, most of the time I did not show up sa mga classes ko and professors as usual called it out during attendance which made it worse for me kasi nahihiya na ako and that made me lose interest in everything. So ayun I dropped out and planning to take bcaed (culture and arts since I love theater and singing)

So ayun after that I basically lost interest in living, honestly if I didnt have my supportive bf i wouldve taken my life by now. It just feels like im lost and my brain is in scramble. Ganito naman nafefeel ko always kahit nung junior high pa ako, Ive always fet like somethingn was wrong in my brain. I only excelled in topics that I was interested in, i tried various ways to focus like cutting my phone usage, forcing myself to study, study session witb friends but nothing ever registers into my brain😭 it just feels as if my brain is occupied with all these loud noises that not even intense forced focus can penetrate.

I dont know how I can get diagnosed or find a therapist to talk 🥲 my family comes from a lower class background so therapy or even basic healthcare is a luxury for us and even if I ask people where i can get diagnosed I feel like id still refuse cause I feel like I am a fraud who’s faking this to get attention. I honestly dont know what to do to fix this. Ive tried every single thing and none of them worked