Is it worth it if your ex comes back

Im back in proper contact with my ex and now I can’t tell if I’m overthinking or ignoring red flags

Short version because my head is everywhere.

Me and my ex broke up a while ago. It was a civil breakup, no cheating or anything like that — we both just weren’t in a good place mentally. I genuinely believe we both felt it deeply at the time. It just became overwhelming for both of us.

Before we broke up, he was really sweet — like proper “rose tinted glasses” stage. He wrote me letters, little notes, was affectionate, and I felt really secure with him.

But I ended it in the end because I felt like he was too scared to actually end it himself. It felt like I was stuck in limbo for months and it was hurting me more than the actual breakup did.

We were broken up for about 6 months. During that time we had a bit of small talk, but he was quite blunt and distant. I also think he may have had a situationship during that period, but I don’t know for sure.

Recently, he reached out to me again because he thought I had blocked him. He said he wanted to try and communicate better this time. Since then, we’ve been talking every day again.

We met up recently for the cinema (I kind of pushed for it). It went okay — he said he enjoyed it and there were moments where he was affectionate and touchy like before. But at the end I started questioning things and I feel like I ruined the vibe a bit. He then said he doesn’t really know how he feels yet and wants things to be a slow process to see if we could have a relationship again.

Now I feel really stuck in my head.

It’s like the “rose tinted glasses” are gone. The sweet guy who used to write me letters and little notes feels like he’s not really there anymore — now he just feels kind of emotionally “meh” and distant at times.

I also see him liking reels about relationships and sometimes about situationships and my head just spirals. I overthink everything like that, plus when he’s online but not replying it makes me panic and assume the worst. He still hasn’t really given me a clear answer about whether we’re actually going to be together, but he says he’s “giving me a chance.” He also says I’m always there for him and he’s always there for me, and I do believe that on some level, but then I spiral and think it’s all fake.

And my brain is constantly going between:

\\\\- he’s lying to me

\\\\- he’s using me as a backup

\\\\- he’s trying to humiliate me

\\\\- I’m just there because he couldn’t get someone else

A month ago he sent me this message:

\\\\> “was going to say that I wanted to stay like this because I was unsure of myself positioning and whether I was actually still going to want to be with you and I panicked when I saw that you'd blocked me or whatever you did and I overlooked it

\\\\> I realise what I have done to you is no right and I am ashamed of that

\\\\> You deserve the right and ability to move on happily and I will not hinder you any longer

\\\\> I wish you the best in your future, if you need me you can call me or teams me at work, I am truly sorry and I hope this world give you what it owes you

\\\\> You deserve someone better than me and I accept that now I wasn't being fair on your or me

\\\\> So what does these mean

\\\\> Means I should do the right thing and let go and I am struggling to do so”

And now he’s not sure whether we should be back together. Is he conflicted? Because now he also says things like:

\\\\> “I feel ever so hollow and empty since it all happened and idk if that's something changed in me or the absence of you”

He’s also said he avoided confronting things:

\\\\> “I wasn't trying to be rude or push you away I was being avoidant”

And:

\\\\> “I'm sorry to cut this off here I need to eat shower and sleep I'm shattered and I wish you the best, I still thoroughly enjoy talking to you and I hope to carry on talking tomorrow if you'll permit it

\\\\> I promise to not be dry anymore and if you end up blocking me overnight I fully understand that too”

Since that day we’ve been speaking again for about a month, every day, but I still don’t know what he actually wants — to leave or to be with me. I feel completely stuck in confusion.

“Why bother trying to slowly make it better between us and test the waters for a relationship again maybe if all you’re going to do is second guess it all” he said to me

I want to be with him, but I also feel like I can’t relax at all anymore. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for it to fall apart again.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you tell the difference between intuition and anxiety when everything feels this uncertain? Am I not being patient enough? How can he go from giving me closure 6 months on to talking everyday and then making out he regrets it and saying I don’t know yet to whether we should get back together