Family Alienation after Speaking Against Abusers & Smeared by Attorney when requesting a PO against abusers

I didn’t realize that the abuse I experienced was not “normal” by my parents until I got older. I was told my dad couldn’t help himself and my mother always said she would abuse me because she “loved me” or that I deserved it.

I have been NC with my abusers (parents) off and on for years with them relentlessly harassing me. I never spoke up during CPS cases because I was scared my parents would k*ll me. My dad has even tried to k*ll me before.

I filed a police report but prosecutors didnt take it. The cops I told seemed to believe me. I filed a PO and it was denied; judge said I proved I was receiving persistent unwanted contact but my accusations of abuse held “no water.” The attorney spun me trying to k*ll myself after an abusive incident with my parents as me being on “drugs” and “OD’ing”. Said I sold drugs too (not true).

The attorney accused me of being mentally unwell and a liar. judge said it would be an infringement on their liberties to force them to not contact me. I am floored and appalled. these two have smeared me to my entire family and I’ve been shut out from most of them (though some family believes me, they still hang out with them and do not invite me to family events but instead invite my abusers). The judge said to simply throw letters from them away. But I don’t feel safe with them having my address, following me by car. I have changed my contact information and deleted my social media. I don’t get why my request was denied. I don’t get why prosecutors didn’t take the case.

my sibling who witnessed it all (for years) believes me but scared to speak out in court. my own grandma is now blaming me for not telling anyone that I was being molested and abused. but I did tell her once about the abuse. and she said she couldn’t say anything or my parents would keep me from her. on top of that, she now says that I’m choosing to be a victim and involve myself in drama only bc I filed a protection order after 2 requests for several years to ask them to stop contacting me.

my grandma now says that my dad only abused us because of my mom. but they have always been co-conspirators. mom hid dads pedOphelia and beatings, he protected her assaults and neglect. I feel like my entire childhood I was tormented and I thought I deserved it. now that I’m speaking up, I’m told I should’ve spoke up as a kid or I must be lying.

I am defeated. I want to just to be left in peace to heal. I feel hopeless, that I’m forced to deal with harassment from my abusers the rest of my life.