My mom is ruining her life and I don't know what to do..

sorry if there's a bunch of spelling errors. I'll try not to miss them but I often do. and sorry but this is gonna be a long one. I ramble.

So I don't even know where to begin with this so I guess I'll just start with the beginning-ish? Last year (2025) my dad passed away from heart failure. He had health issues but we didn't think it wasn't anything he wasn't managing. he had EDS and high blood pressure but his doctor was helping him with both of those things. then in March he got really sick. we don't know exactly what it was but we think it was severe pneumonia and it got so bad his heart gave out. we think this because that was what my mom (60) had and she had to go to the ER after she found my dad. she was really close to passing too but the hospital was able to help and she's made a full recovery.

while my mom was in the hospital I (34 f) took care of all the funeral arrangements while my sister (30 f) monitored her in the hospital and comforted her. that's relevant later.

it was all stressful and awful but we all pulled through. or so I thought. my mother has been struggling so much more than I thought.

right after everything settled my mom seemed to try so hard to find a new normal. she got some work done on her house and seemed to be pouring her grief into baking and trying to connect with my dad's siblings more. we begged her to go to therapy but she's got the boomer mindset of therapy being only for crazy people.

lately, my sister and I noticed that she was declining mentally. she never got out of pajamas and wasn't showering very often. but she seemed like she could pull it together when she needed to. she's really passionate about politics and goes to protests often. and she posts to social media about doing other activities.

but last Sunday she dropped a nuke on us. apparently, 2 months ago (beginning of Feb) she told her boss she was going on medical leave. but she didn't fill out any paperwork, and she hasn't communicated with her employer at all since then. she didn't see her doctor. she didn't see a therapist. she just disappeared and she just sank into her couch and let the depression eat her alive. I'm aware that depression is incredibly hard to fight. I have MDD but when everything felt like too much I reached out to my doctor and therapist and didn't give up. I have sympathy for her but I'm also incredibly frustrated.

so at this point we're desperately scrambling. she has a doctor's appointment today and should be begging them to let her get diagnosed and potentially back date medical leave. it's the only way I can think to save her job. is there anything else we can do to help save her from being fired if she hasn't been fired already?

she's apparently been living on her savings. and the only reason she's fessed up to all of this is because shes almost out money. she dropped her house insurance and she doesn't know if she has medical insurance anymore. but she also hasn't called anyone or tried to log in to anything to find out.

she's asked us to help dig her out of the hole she's made for herself and I don't even know where to begin. it's terrifying and overwhelming and pisses me off so much. but she's in such a fragile place that I can't say anything too harsh, according to my sister. however I think she needs some seriously tough love. im not sure if that's because she used to be so hard on me growing up and I want to return the favor now or if she actually needs it though. my sister thinks she knows better because shes spent more time with her (i.e the hospital and communications after) but I'm struggling to understand.

if you have any advice or have ever had anything like this happen in your family I'd really love to hear what everyone has to say.?