Idk what to do. I’ve talked w my therapist abt this before, and she said it was fine as long as I’m not acting on the thoughts. She also said it was fina to take a shot Friday after school to celebrate my weekend. But I think I need to talk to her abt this again, because it’s starting to seep into my everyday thoughts.

I lowkey think a lot of this has to do with my county’s view on alcohol (40% of 15-17 y/o get drunk every month, 90% of 13-25 y/o have tasted alcohol before, etc etc.), but I know it’s also because I use alcohol to unmask. 

I hate how effective it is. I relax, open up, become really outgoing and sociable, and very happy. I litterally use alcohol almost like self medication now that I think of it. But it helps. It just helps so much. Idk what to use if not that…

Anyways, there’s a school party tomorrow, and I was supposed to go with my two friend K and M. But K had to go to one of her other friend’s birthday party, and I’ve been feeling really out of energy this week, so I told M that I’m probably not going to the school party (plus I’d have to sneak drinks in again if I went), but I told her that I would still be up to pregaming at her place, but just going home after.

So M asked if I wanted to just drink at her place tmr evening instead, since neither of us want to bother with the school party. I freaking love hanging out with her, and drinking with M and K at Easter was really fun…. But I’m scared of this becoming too much of a habit. I already have three more parties planned before August, and while I love the feeling of unmasking and loosening up mentally, I don’t want an addiction to start :/

[TW! Flashing lights on last meme + lot of alcohol mentions] I’m sensing an emerging problem…