Can manipulation be used for good with my wife.

My wife and I are in our 40s, and married over twenty years. A few years ago she, developed a severe victim mentality. The internet algorithm taught her that she should stop being kind and tolerant. Those are people pleaser traits. She sees me as an awful person now.

Anyhow, 3 years and 5 therapists later we no longer live together and 3/5 therapists recommend divorce based on not having hope that she will ever be open to change. She doesn’t see that she needs to change as I am the only problem.

I’ve seen manipulation tactics where people are persuaded to choose a very specific item like numbers, places, or people. This site talks a lot of people who use emotional manipulation like gaslighting. Is there a non abusive manipulation I can learn to persuade her into trying to learn, grow and being loving again?