Did I fail my grandpa, or is it just my mind torturing me?

Excuse my english, in case I am making any mistakes,

I have lost my grandpa 5 years ago, and I did not visit him one last time to say goodbye.

I had an amazing, very close relationship with them when I was a child, but when I was 12 (6 years before he died) I have had an argument with my grandma and she screamed at me and after that I have never had the same feeling of security with them.

the thing is, my parents divorced a year before that, I was struggling with migraines, my grades, always argued with my mom, to the point that at 13 I was already thinking about ending it all and I just did not have the capability to care for friends, family,... because I couldn't even master my own life.

I was depressed for years, until 2019 I'd say, so around 4 years and after that i did my best to build up our relationship again, but to this day I am regretting the waisted years, the goodbye in 2021 that never happened, the missed opportunities and memories we could have had.

My grandpa was a huge part of my childhood, but I don't understand why they always waited for me to

come and never tried to sort out those problems with me.

anyone ever had an experience like that or regrets and feelings of guilt when it comes to relationships and families?