How do you get out of a 1 year long depressive episode ?

I have been struggling with depression since I’ve been 12, I am in my early 20’s now, so I’m used to how this goes. But this is the longest a depressive episode has lasted for me. I have been out of therapy for years now, and don’t feel like going back, but I don’t know what to do to deal with this anymore. I didn’t even feel the seasons change, I don’t even feel real and I make it worse by barely going out. I don’t even go to class anymore, only show up at exams. I will have to retake this year since I got terrible grades. Nobody around me knows I’ve been dealing with this stuff, but I don’t want to hide it anymore. I want to accept that I have depression, that it’s a part of me, and that I can exist with it. I just need to save myself first, and get out of this very long and tiring episode. I feel stuck.