I always wonder if my mom is secretly mad that i left.

She fits into narcissism in most ways, and i think my sister now fits too, it's so sad growing up admiring her for standing up for what's right then end up just like our mom, as kids either of us were the scapegoat, when she changed i became the scapegoat alone.

I never complied to them and only let them go their way to avoid the screams and insults, ran away from home at 18, she was so nice and sweet, saying she wasn't mad just asking why, when i told her why she ignored it, I said no contact, she ignored.

She tried contacting me, saying "you have to understand that i love you so much to not know how you are." She never asked me how my day was ever, it was me telling her and her dismissing me and leaving because she didn't want to hear. When i was there she only knew about me once a month pretty much.

I blocked her. I feel peaceful, but a part of me is wondering if she's mad inside that i left and she has nobody to use as a stress relief, nobody to control.

I have no idea what goes inside a narcissists head, even less my mom's. All i know is that i have no actual family to talk to, nobody left, they all sided with her. Only my chosen family is here.