Is it possible

I’m new to this but my boyfriend ‘22M’ and ‘I 23F’ have been together for almost 6 years. We have lived together for almost 4-5 years. 3 years ago we got our own house and it felt like he was pushing me away and felt like we were roommates. I told him but nothing happened. I ended up sending photos to a few dudes. I never met up with any of them or physically did anything.

2 years ago I couldn’t sleep and was in a severe depressive episode due to trying to hold back from telling him because all my friends at the time said I would ruin it. I ended up telling him and even offered to give him space and to stay at my parents but he said he still wanted to be with me but he would have to try to trust me again.

To this day he says he trusts me and forgives me but I have OCD and when I get in my head I have the worst guilt for what I done, since I never imagined doing something like that. I began therapy 2 years ago and cut off many of my friends because I realized they weren’t good friends.

I’ve realized a lot of things since going to therapy because I’m high school I send photos a lot due to feeling like I needed a males attention to feel special and valued. I also realized this is really my first serious relationship and I’ve never cared for a male like this. I even began going to church and Bible studies to strengthen my spiritual relationship

It really is when we aren’t together is when I get in my head or when I’m doomscrolling because I see post about how cheaters are no good or terrible people and I know other’s opinions shouldn’t matter but I truly do love this man and it’s been 3 years since it’s happened. He still talks about wanting to marry me and having a family but I feel so bad for hurting him and causing the pain that I caused.

Which more probably is playing into this but people say we aren’t married yet and that I was technically microcheating but I am scared to lose him and that he isn’t happy. I’m also scared of his family finding out as they are just now coming around to me.

I just for some reason think about if we ever have kids and they found out or so on. I think too much and just want to be and feel like a good human and girlfriend