My dog passed away in my lap last night.

Hi,

A little backstory, I am 22 years old and I agot my bestfriend, who was an 18 year old pug, when I was 4 years old. I always knew this day would come and I alway dreaded it. He was my first ever childhood pet and I called him my brother because I was an only child. From my very first memory he was there. He started to deteriorate the past couple of weeks and we knew it was time for him to go to sleep soon.

Yesterday while I was working, I was having a good morning. However, my anxiety continued to get worse and worse about everything in my life and after about 2 hours I settled on worrying about my dog. About an hour after that, my grandma texted me and said that he was breathing weird. I rushed over at 8pm. I had a gut feeling that he was going to pass last night. I think my anxiety earlier in the day was my intuition.

When I saw him, I could hear the mucus in his lungs, I could feel his paws getting colder, I could see how much pain he was in. Where I live there are no emergency vets. The closest 24/7 hour one was almost 2 hours away and most of the night he was asleep on my arm or on my lap. I didn’t sleep once the entire night.

At around 3am, I knew that it was going to happen soon, and at 5:10am he started crying. I moved him onto my lap and about 4 minutes later he stopped breathing. It was only me and him awake and me rocking him as he passed away. I am heartbroken

I always pictured his death to be peaceful and most likely during his sleep. I am devastated and traumatized. After he passed his body started to do the post death twitches. Then he was still. Some small part of me kept hoping that he would wake back up and be young again. I still am hoping that. This is the worst day of my life.

I held him in my arms for 2 hours after he passed and watched his tongue slowly turn black and his body turn cold. The whole time I still had split second thoughts that he was still breathing.

The vet said to bring him in at 9am so at that point his body started to smell. His nose started to leak yellow fluid.

This is the worst day of my life. I had another childhood dog, Mickey. We had to put him to sleep a little over 3 years ago. They were two peas in a pod. They loved eachother so much. Mickey passed when he was much younger than Westy from cancer. His death broke my heart too but he passed in a peaceful way and I knew I still had my other dog. I feel guilty that I am this devastated on this but not when Mickey passed. I loved them both so much but I think it’s because this one was my first and now that he is gone it’s like my comfort for the past 18 years and my childhood is gone.

I can’t stop thinking that I will never see them again. I need to see them again. I hope they are together over the rainbow bridge and I’ll see them when it’s my time. I can’t think of that not happening. I am obsessing already about me seeing them again. Please someone tell me that I will see them again. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat.

I looked up the spiritual meaning of a pet passing in your lap. I thought it was meant to be that I moved him onto my lap and he passed within a few minutes and deep down I knew he was about to. When we got him when I was 4, I was the first person he went up to. I truly think that spiritually it was almost meant to be that he would cross the bridge while on me. Google says that a dog passing on your lap means that your pet chose to be with you, they loved you and trusted you. It also says that when a pet passes in your lap that the veils between the physical and spiritual world thin and our souls become connected forever.

Please someone tell me that I will see them again or tell me stories and signs you have gotten from your pets🌈😢I cannot believe that he spent his last hours suffering and I couldn’t do anything about it. It keeps replaying in my mind. I miss him so much already and it’s been exactly 12 hours.