I think we have to go no contact

My DH is from a larger family, he’s one of four.

From the very get go we had a misunderstanding where no one liked me and completely attacked me saying I was the worst thing to happen to my husband, I was six months pregnant with our first, and it was truly a mix up with wording and never really got an apology.

Things pretty much stayed constant for years they had a family group chat of MIL, FIL, their kids, and the spouses and I was never welcome in it. When I asked my DH about it he said it didn’t go well with his girlfriend prior to me as they bullied her and he didn’t want another SO in it. It kind of hurt my feelings to be purposely excluded especially knowing they hated me. It would’ve been one thing if it was their specific family unit with their kids but they had other spouses in it.

Things got so bad I actually had decided all of this was a deal breaker to me (along with other things) and me and DH divorced and spent a year apart. We were pretty cordial and in eachothers business and homes more than we should’ve been.

During our divorce DH would even FaceTime his mom during our arguments to get her imput. Another point during the divorce I stopped by his grandparents pool party to pick up something before I went to work and his brothers basically chased me off the property cussing at me infront of my kids and recording me. My kids were absolutely traumatized.

We ended up getting back together and he agreed from now on there would be boundaries. No more group chat, no FaceTiming his mom during arguments, and we’d cut contact down to strictly the holidays.

Me and his family repaired our relationship a lot, we had another baby, things were in a good place. Even got to the point I’d text his mom multiple times a week

Then one day BIL announced his divorce and in the following weeks MIL randomly added both me and DH into their family group chat, and she added me in a basically “girls group 2.0” that was all the girls in the family. Basically she traded the other wife for me in the groups and it felt kind of backhanded.

At Easter BIL shows up with his new girlfriend and it just so happens to be a girl that DH talked to during our divorce. So not only did he leave his wife and 3 kids for this girl, but the family all apparently knew about it and knew she’d be there and no one thought to warn me and DH about it before we showed up with our kids and such.

I honestly found this an absolute dealbreaker, no woman that has talked to my husband in the past is going to be around my kids in an auntie setting. Absolutely not. I’d never put my husband in that position either.

Things kind of exploded in the family after I said something and my husband typed out a giant thing to BIL saying how he can’t condone any of it or expect this of me. And the MIL then claimed it was me who had typed the message and sided with BIL without even asking my husband directly

We ultimately told her we wouldn’t come to family events anymore, and she said that was fine that the brother is going through a hard time in his divorce and we should want him to be happy. And that maybe we can come after they leave for holidays from now on.

I’m really feeling there’s no way to go about this other than being no contact.