Hurt people hurt other people BUT…

**Obviously** the reason Mum lashes out and has made some really bad parenting choices is because she’s so unhealed from her own stuff. Happy people just don’t go around hurting other people. But that doesn’t make it ok?

Just venting and thinking out loud on a few things here:

- At what point do you take responsibility for your trauma and choose to try healing so that you might be better for the people around you? Your own child/ren especially is a great reason to. Besides, it’s hypocritical of mum blaming her own trauma for her choices because we’ve had so many really crazy issues with my sisters/her daughters, acting like complete sociopaths and mum and I have agreed with how they need to grow up, try to heal and stop leaning on the victim mentality their whole lives and if they won’t for anyone else, please do it FOR THEMSELVES (for context me and my sisters all went through some really heavy trauma as kids. We’ve all had our phases of lashing out; even I went off the rails for a long time but now we are all adults, a couple of us have moved on and become functioning members of society where the others are still stuck in that trauma which only harms themselves most and the relationships they have with everyone else). I have so much sympathy/empathy for people who struggle to get out of that dark place but at some point you have to at least try and take control of your own life and be responsible for your own choices and stop blaming the world and other people for your problems.

- Mum always seemed so strong for never speaking up about things that she was dealing with deep down. It was hard for me growing up to talk to her about things because she’s always been so stoic. I am the complete opposite, openly discussing trauma and working through it. I’ve sought help for over 15yrs seeing drs and therapists and everything in between. I’m not here saying I’m better than her coz I did that either. I’m just pointing out that I noticed I wasn’t being a good person and a good mother and I wanted to be the most healed version of myself for myself but mostly so I can parent my own kids better. I know Mum *thought* she was doing the right thing burying it all (understandable, she’s Gen X and for what was considered normal in our family) but now it’s all bubbling over for her at 50yrs old. Now she wants to have the d&ms and I’ve even given her that space and freedom to open up to someone but eventually I needed a break for my own mental health. That went down as badly as it could have (we are now no contact). The thing is, us kids are grown and the damage is done now. So good on for you for healing for yourself now (I mean that sincerely not sarcastically), but i just wish she could have done that for us earlier so we could have a better life. :(

- Just because you can understand people’s pain and why they act the way they do, it doesn’t make it ok. It’s a reason not an excuse. Why do I have to suffer just because I can understand that you’re a deeply hurt person who doesn’t have the emotional capacity to love me like I should have been loved? That’s not my fault and it hurts that I have to cop the aftermath of what someone else done to you. Again: :(

Feel free to tack on your own thoughts with this train of thought I’m having whether it’s in agreement or you think I’ve said some things that are too harsh. Or feel free to just vent if sadly, you can relate.