AITAH for considering not attending my daughter’s wedding over her venue choice?

My husband and I (57F) have two children, Melissa (32F) and Alex (28M). Melissa is getting married in mid 2027 and I’m obviously overjoyed for her. She’s been touring venues as of late and let us know last week she had finally booked one.

I’ll admit, the venue she chose is absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, it’s also absolutely inaccessible. Alex is in a wheelchair and the venue she chose is old and has lots of steps. When I brought this up to Melissa, she said she was “tired of building her entire life around Alex” and that he could make it work or not come.

I honestly have no idea where this hostility has come from, and no idea how to navigate it. There’s no way for a disabled person to simply “make it work,” and I know he and his husband won’t even try to attend if she uses that same language with them.

So now, I feel stuck. Not seeing my daughter get married is unfathomable to me, but I also feel like I don’t really know who she is right now. Her flippantly excluding her own brother and his partner from her ceremony feels callous at best, and malicious at worst. Any advice on how to navigate would be appreciated.