beautifully broken in

I am thankful for all the older men who have shaped me in my younger years by touching my body in the most inappropriate ways.

You have made me feel filthy and helped me find my way to sexuality and loving my body and I'm just so thankful for that. It was gross and icky at times but it really had to be done. You are the ones who taught me how to love myself by telling me how beautiful l am and how soft my skin is. I remember the wonderful question "Is it okay if I touch you here?" and the softly whispered "What does this feel like?" while placing your hands where they shouldn't have been. My first soft and shy moans. The shoulders I got to bury my face in because I felt ashamed. The way your hands laid too strong and big on my small wrists and fingers and the small amount of strength you have to use to hold me in place.

After a while I could feel how initial fear changed into curiosity and shame about feeling pleasured.

The lectures about how I should give in and how I deserve to feel this way finally worked. The first time I felt a tongue down there and how I wanted to squirm away; the first time I orgasmed, I didn't even know what it was. The kisses all over my feet and belly. How much I laughed when you blew raspberries (and still do). Oh, the kisses.. On my lips, my hips, my neck and around my nipples, on forbidden part above my private area.

The man who will one day be my husband will hate all of you, but I think deep down he will be thankful for the work you have done. For shaping me into who I am today. Older men are and have always been there for me. They hold open doors for me, literally and figuratively; and gift me the experiences, knowledge and wisdom I wish for because of my deep yearning for life and love. They give me advice and guidance. You see me for who I am. My confidence and ambition have been built up by you. You take care of me so well and I have always belonged to you in a way.

Dear older man I love you so. And I am yours forever and ever. No one can take your place.