I feel really bad

I know I made frequent posts on a lot of subreddits and I’m sorry for the spam, I really want to find a sheikh that I can personally talk to and learn from but I haven’t. I like praying but I make it complicated for myself, I just scroll looking at fatwas and religious videos and find out that I haven’t been doing something right and then I’m just anxious. I feel bad because I want to balance my faith as well as spending time with family, I always neglect spending time with my family at times because I’m anxious thinking about if I have to repeat prayer or if I’m not following the sunnah, etc. I spend time with them, and then out of nowhere I worry about something and I feel horrible because I really want to spend time with my family as well. I’m not sure what to do, I keep rushing into things and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what I should focus on first instead of rushing into things ever since I started to want to be better at my faith.

I always feel like there has to be something wrong with what I’m doing, especially during prayer. I read slowly and that takes a lot of time, I get out of breath and dizzy and I feel like I don’t pray properly. Sometimes when I try to finish faster, as in not rushing to the point where it’s all messed up but as in I don’t stretch the recitation, so sorry if that doesn’t make any sense, but I feel like if I don’t do it then my prayer isn’t valid or that I’m sinful.

I got into an argument with my sister about how much time I take to pray, and obviously sometimes harsh things are said and I started to cry but I went to go pray because it was time to pray, and I got worried that maybe I’m reciting too low or maybe the stains of nasal mucus on the prayer mat is disrespectful, I still prayed Isha, Sunnah, and witr but even then I kept worrying about if I raised my finger in the tashahhud, or if I got up too early after saying Subhana Rabbiyal Alaa, it’s just always doubts constantly and I felt horrible.