HEY GUYS!! 

It’s been suuuper sunny today, idk, it sucked a bit, cuz yk, sweat and everything else buuuutt something about it made me slow down a bit this morning. It felt calm… or at least calmer than usual, which is good. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about how hard it’s been for me to connect with people, especially online. Which is ironic, because that’s supposed to be the “easy” place to meet people, right? Or atleast..that’s what they say. 

I age regress sometimes, well..a little more than sometimes..mostly when I’m overwhelmed or just really mentally tired. It’s not something I always talk about, but it’s a big part of how I cope. On days like today, when everything is bright and quiet, I kind of slip into that softer headspace more easily. I’ll put on something comforting, like My Little Pony, which I absolutely ADOREEE and just exist for a bit without overthinking everything, which sometimes feels reeeeaaaally good. I feel the need to mention this because sometimes it happens and people simply don’t know how to react, which is ok too. 

And honestly those moments feel safe., the being able to regress with no worries in the world it feels simple. Like I can breathe.

But then there’s the other side of it.

Trying to explain that part of myself to people online has been really difficult. Either people don’t understand, they assume the wrong things, or they just slowly disappear after a while. And I get it, I really do. it’s not something everyone is familiar with. But after a while it starts to feel like I have to hide it completely just to have a chance at keeping someone around.

And that kind of defeats the whole point of trying to connect in the first place..

I don’t want to feel like I have to split myself into “acceptable” and “too much” just to make friends.  That’s not fair! I don’t want to constantly worry that if I open up, it’ll be the reason someone leaves. But that’s kind of been my experience so far.

I think what I’m looking for is just people who are a little more open. A little more patient. Understanding..sometimes that feels like I’m asking for too much though.. just people who don’t immediately get uncomfortable when something isn’t “typical,” and who are okay with softness and vulnerability, which I have a lot of. 

I’m not expecting perfection or instant closeness, just something real. Even if it starts small.

How about some nice questions? I’ll answer them tooo! 

\- What’s your go-to comfort show

My little pony, duh 

\- What’s something simple that helps you feel safe or relaxed?

Baking probably! 

If you read this far, thank you. I mean it.

I hope today was and is an amazing day. 

(15F) anyone up for chatting or calling?