9-year relationship vs strict dad – I feel completely stuck

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years. I’m Afghan and he’s Pakistani. We met in college when I was 20, and now we’re both 29.

Over the years, our relationship has had ups and downs, especially while we were both juggling school and work. I never told my parents about him before because I wasn’t 100% sure about the future and wanted to be certain he was the right person.

Recently, as we started noticing our parents getting older and dealing with health issues, we began seriously talking about marriage. That’s when I knew I had to tell my family.

I told my mom first a few months ago. She was concerned about cultural differences at first, but after meeting him and getting to know him, she became more accepting.

Telling my dad was a completely different experience. He reacted very strongly and got extremely upset. He said a lot of negative things about Pakistani culture and brought up history between Afghans and Pakistanis. He also said he’s worried about what the community will think and believes my boyfriend will hurt me.

He told me I need to end the relationship and said he would find someone else for me—possibly even a cousin from another country. I tried to stay calm and patient, hoping he would come around.

After a couple of weeks, I brought it up again, but he got angry again and started talking about arranging a marriage for me.

Now I feel completely stuck. My dad is also sick, and I don’t want to cause him stress or hurt him. But at the same time, I don’t feel like it’s fair to give up a 9-year relationship with someone I care about deeply.

I’m torn between my family and my own life, and I honestly don’t know what to do.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you handle it?