advice needed?

hi fellow reddit people!!! for privacy, im gonna use a fake name. my name is mimi, and im 14 (turning 15 in 17 days) !! i live in georgia, and i live with my mom!!

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ive been having a couple of issues or things that are bothering me, and while i do wanna talk about them to figure something out, im gonna just stick with one for now since its whats bothering me the most!! its about boyfriend stuff.

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now, my boyfriend isn't the issue! (as in, thats not who im talking about.) hes a very sweet boy, and he loves me a lot!! my problem is how my parents brought up the fact they didn't want me to be with him. in my moms house, it's me, my brother, my two younger sisters, my mom, and my stepdad. my stepdad is a jehovah witness, and so he made my mom start doing it, and now the whole family goes to meetings or do things to go out in the congregation. (personally, i dont plan on staying one when i grow up, its just a lot for me to deal with)

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for my boyfriend, we've known each other since 5th grade, but didn't start talking to each other since 6th grade. we dated in 8th grade, the start of 2025, but it only lasted for three days because i was trying to get rid of a crush for someone else who was playing with my feelings, and i didn't want my boyfriend upset about it. eventually after 8th grade, some things happened during then that made us stop talking until November. we got back together in November, broke up during winter break, and got back together four days after...as to why we broke up again during winter break....in November, maybe two weeks after we got together again, i wanted to tell my mom because i didnt wanna hide anything from her. when i told her, she told me that we (as in me and my brother) weren't aloud to be in any relationships. i was a bit confused because i never remembered us having that rule before, and when i was dating my ex (before my current boyfriend) there was never an issue with us being together. my parents can get into bad arguments, and i wanted to avoid that, so i told her i can talk to my boyfriend about it, only for her to tell me to just leave it be. i broke up with him in winter break because i was worried that they would do something forcefully to make me and him stop talking, but we been together after that, and have stayed together ever since then, which is when the issue really started.

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over winter break, i wanted to tell my mom we were still together. so when i did text her about it, she told me we would talk about it when i got back home, but whenever i tried to, she would tell me she didn't wanna talk about it(for winter break, i was at my grandmas house to get away from my house.) i assumed everything was fine with him being my boyfriend because i assumed my mom remembered me telling her, and my stepdad would bring him up or make jokes about him, and it made me feel a little more comfortable to wanna talk about it, though, my hope changed a bit because of something i believe happened a month ago.

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(this happened on jan 30) me and my boyfriend were on the phone talking when i heard my mom fuss out my brother. i was curious and went up to her room and asked her if she was okay because she sounded like she was crying. she told me she was fine and that i was about to get some of it, too(fussing wise) and made me hang up the phone to talk about it. she asked me why was my boyfriend accusing me of cheating. now to clear this up before we get bad thoughts, before me and my boyfriend got together in 8th grade, his ex cheated on him with someone from her school (they weren't going to the same school), so it never bothered me when he asked me if i had thoughts about it because i knew he wasn't trying to say i was GOING to, just...asking for comfort by letting his anxious thoughts know i wouldn't do that!!! so i tried to tell my mom that, and she wouldn't listen. she told me it was about me, not anything from 8th grade, that he was accusing me of cheating, that he didnt actually love me and we wouldn't last, and that he probably didn't even believe in a god or had a religion, which made me upset because like...she doesn't know my boyfriend like i do, so why would she say that? i talked to him about the cheating thing, and he was very upset about it. he was crying and told me he never wanted me to think that way, and sometimes he just gets scared it might happen again and he doesn't wanna lose me. she also told me she didn't know we were together despite me telling her in November AND during winter break when we were SUPPOSED to talk about it, which baffled me. after that, it wasn't brought up again until about 3 weeks ago (i cant say it WAS 3 weeks ago, im actually not too sure, but i believe it has been 3 weeks since this happened.)

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on feb 12 was when it happened. when my sisters got back from school, my mom and my stepdad stayed in the car to talk, and they usually they did that when they were talking and it turned into an argument. my youngest sister said they were arguing, and so when my mom came back in the house, i asked her if they were okay, and she told me they were just talking about cutting my brothers hair (they say he looks too much like the dreadheads, and they wanna get it cut so he looks respectful when we go to the meetings and stuff) and i thought that was the end of it until i noticed my stepdad was very quiet (usually was quiet when something was still wrong), so i was still worried. i wanna say some time around 5-6pm, i was washing dishes when my sister (the youngest one again) came into the kitchen and told us that they were having an argument (all of us kids were in the kitchen). i told them i needed to use the bathroom, but i tried to sit and listen to hear what they were talking about, and when i did, they were talking about the puppies we have at home, and how he wants to get rid of the one we were gonna keep. it then ended up getting worse with them yelling, my stepdad threatening to hit my mom, throwing me and my brother's phones outside, and leaving the house, the norm. my mom ended up leaving to go get drinks, and used alexa to talk to me and my brother. when i asked her why they had an argument, she said it was because of 3 things. needing to cut tahj's hair, getting rid of the puppies, and my boyfriend. when she got back, she had us sit in the car, and my mom was trying to tell me why i should break up with him. she mostly said the same things as before, but saying he was only using me for sex and love he couldn't get from his parents, and saying his family isn't even stable (like ours totally is). i never broke up with him because i personally think its not fair for her and my stepdad to talk about him in such ways when they dont even know him. what also pisses me off is that they could have talked to me about it if it was bothering them instead of making a big argument about it. and the other two things are the most stupidest reasons to argue about, like, what do you mean your angry because they had to change a fucking hair appointment? thats crazy!! (also, the phones are okay, my case was only scratched up, and my pop-socket decided it didnt wanna be found </3).

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i only bring this up now because my mom recently texted me one morning while i was doing homeschool stuff if me and my boyfriend broke up. i told her i only talked to him about it the weekend after it happened (didnt exactly give a yes or a no) and i told her i didnt wanna talk about it because it wasn't fair to me that she said such things about him when she didn't know who he actually was, to which she responded with "yes, i actually do know who he is. he hurt you in 8th grade and he accused you of cheating, and those are red flags you shouldn't have to deal with" and that made me very upset she brought up 8th grade. it made me upset because he feels like everything that happened was his fault, and i told her that he didnt think what happened was gonna happen, and that he was very apologetic. i also told her that he wasn't accusing me of cheating and it was because of trauma. she just told me she didn't mean to upset me, and she only wanted to ask that one question, which made me feel weird because why are we even talking about it still?

im not sure how to bring it up, because if they find out by themselves that im still dating him, they probably wouldn't be too happy, and im not sure what would happen. i also don't wanna break up with him because i know he isn't as how shes describing him as. ive known him for 3 years (not counting 5th grade cause we didn't talk then) and shes saying she knows what type of person he is when she clearly doesn't. me and my boyfriend really wanna see each other, but we aren't sure how to bring up the issue without making it worse, and i'd really like some advice before i do something reckless or stupid. i dont know if others are gonna agree with my reasons as to why im upset, or if others are gonna say i should listen to my parents. im also having a hard time with keeping it a secret until i talk to my mom about it. she has screen time on my phone and computer(my stepdad put it on my computer because he said i couldn't use it for a long time on winter break, and my mom wont turn it off after that happened), and i usually use a certain app to use discord to call my boyfriend, but of course, screen time keeps track on how long im on the app for, so eventually they might ask me why im using it all the time. i havent used to today, i just use the website one for now, but we cant call on there because it wont let me un-mute my mic. i guess it has something to do with the parental controls that im not aware of how to get rid of. i dont want my stepdad to know because he seems to like to go through my phone and stuff. i havent seen him go through my computer, but im not sure. i just need some advice as to what i should do!!! thank you!!!