I hated my first time and it hurts even a year later

I had my first time with my boyfriend at 15 after being together for a few months. I didn't really want to do it. I wanted to wait longer, we'd started touching eachother a bit and I was good with that, but I was scared to actually have sex. I was abused and repeatedly assaulted in my relationship before him, I don't count it as sexual experience because I don't remember much and when I try to, I have panic attacks and flashbacks.

My boyfriend knew about my trauma, and he thought that us having sex would help me. It made sense because starting with more general touching made me feel better about intimacy and far less disgusted by it, it helped to associate it with something positive. He didn't force me, and I don't think he realized but he definitely pressured me into it. I said yes and I didn't mind it in the moment, but I'd said I wasn't sure and I regretted it immediately after.

The act honestly sucked. It was a rushed decision that ended after like 5 minutes with next to no foreplay and no time for after care. It wasn't sweet or romantic like I hoped it would be. It was just him being a hormonal teenager, and while I shouldn't have found that suprising, it made me feel horrible. I trusted him with something that meant everything to me and it was awful.

We're still together and really serious and our relationship is wonderful and intimate stuff is fine I guess, but i still feel so terrible sometimes that our first time together was so shitty.

bonus that when I bled a little he thought his dick was bleeding even when I explained how that works