The deep pain if misogyny

im currently a Catholic friendly/curious agnostic, former Protestant.

im getting dangerously close to wanting to convert and having serious conversations about this with my husband.

however, the deep pain of misogyny breaks me down in ways I cannot describe except that it wounds my soul.

I grew up in a Protestant evangelical purity-coded culture where I was always seen as less than because I am a girl, a female. I was to be a submissive wife and have children and stay home like a good little wife.

I've come to love Mother Mary. I pray for her intercession on my behalf so that I may believe. I love the female saints especially St Gianna Molla who is a doctor (i hold a doctorate too, not medical). I've come to deeply respect the Church's view on female dignity and sex.

but I'm ripped apart when I run into a rad trad catholic who sneers at my career (what I call a vocation, I geniunely felt called to become a psychologist) and me being a breadwinner. my husband has a great career he will just likely make less than me - it is what it is. it feels like the same pain from my childhood, where I would want to say grace at the table with my family but I was not allowed to because *girl* and my male cousins got to.

the appeal of the secular view was tremendous. I was surrounded by scholars and doctors, women who encouraged me and also shared stories of misogyny they overcame.

Mother Mary was my door into Catholicism. I began to really contemplate Christ's Mother during my first postpartum. I haven't prayed in 15 years. but to her I did. I need a mother, I need a woman who can love all of me and think all of me is perfect just the way I am - my xx DNA, my genitals, my womb, my sharp mind, my humor, my care for my patients - all of it - as a feminine genius. I need this. my biological mother is a misogynist. my biological father is too.

please pray for my healing my non-misogynist Catholics. and pray for those who are Catholic but have a deep disdain for smart women.

i am hurt.