I don’t recognize myself anymore.

I’m 29F and I’m struggling with my relationship with alcohol.

I’ve tried stopping multiple times, but I’ve struggled to stick with it especially because my husband also drinks. We initially agreed to only drink on weekends, but that usually falls apart by midweek. By Wednesday, we’re both stressed after work and end up craving wine with dinner, and before we know it, we’re back to drinking most nights.

I used to be able to moderate my drinking and stop myself before going too far, but that’s no longer the case. Now, whenever I drink, I tend to drink excessively to the point of blacking out. I end up saying and doing things I would never do sober, and I’m becoming seriously worried about the impact this is having on my marriage.

It’s also affecting my work and my health. I almost called out today because I felt so sick from drinking the night before. I ended up going in late and throwing up multiple times at work. I felt awful and unwell all day.

Drinking doesn’t feel fun anymore. Most of the time, I regret what I’ve said or done, and I wake up anxious, hungover, and stuck in bed unable to function. I’m falling behind on things I need to get done, and I feel like I’m constantly in a cycle of being hungover, overwhelmed, and emotionally low.

Today especially, I felt really depressed. I found myself thinking that I’m a failure and that everyone in my life might be better off without me. That scared me. I ended up spending time reading through this subreddit and realized I’m not alone in this but also that I really do need help. I can’t keep doing this on my own anymore, and I think I need support and a community to lean on.