[F 19] I think I am lesbian?

I’m trying to figure out if I’m lesbian and I want honest opinions because I have no one to talk to about this and I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

For a long time, I thought I was bisexual. That felt like the safest answer. But now that I’m older and actually looking back at my experiences, I’m starting to question if that was ever really true.

I’ve dated guys before, but when I really think about it, it always felt kind of forced. I felt uncomfortable, nervous, and not fully present. At the time I didn’t question it much, I just assumed that was normal or that I’d “get used to it.” But looking back now, it didn’t feel natural at all.

I’ve never felt a deep, soft, natural attraction toward a man. I can recognize when a guy looks good, but it doesn’t go beyond that. There’s no emotional pull or no feeling of “I want to be close to this person,” nothing like that.

With women, it’s completely different. Like, it feels natural, automatic, and a lot deeper. I notice everything about them, not just how they look. Their voice, their energy, the way they carry themselves. It’s not just physical, but it feels emotional too. Like I could just sit there and listen to them talk forever and be completely content.

I’ve only been in one relationship with a girl, and it didn’t last long because she later told me she wasn’t actually into girls to begin with 🤦‍♀️. But during that short time, I felt more comfortable and more like myself than I ever did with any guy.

Something else I’ve noticed is that when guys show interest in me, I don’t feel excited. If anything, I feel awkward, anxious, or pressured. But when I think about being with a woman, it feels calm, natural, and a lot safer.

At the same time, I’m confused about one thing. I feel very strongly attracted to women, but I don’t really get attention from them. I’ve tried putting myself out there before, but it feels like no woman has ever been drawn to me except that one situation, and even that wasn’t real in the end.

So now I’m sitting here wondering: Is this what being lesbian feels like and I just didn’t realize it before😭? Or like, is it possible I’m still bisexual but just haven’t had the right experiences? 

I just want to understand myself. If anyone has been through something similar or has insight, I’d really appreciate it.