I don’t know what to do w my life

I don’t know what to do w my life

14 f, was diagnosed w depression last year but assuming had it for 3 years before diagnosis. My mom is trying to place everything thing on my adhd. Although it is a factor Thats not the main reason. My mom an step dad are, hes been in my life for 8 years and I’ve never had a good feeling about him, my mom doesn’t smile anymore and keeps threatening to leave him but never does. They get into screaming matches which always ends up in him slapping her phone out of her hand or kicking something to the point where something breaks and it’s trained me to get hella adrenaline and sit by the stairs to make sure something doesn’t happen or smh. Hes made my life hell and no matter what happens my mom always takes his side in everything because if she takes my side even once he’ll blow up and scream until the police get called by neighbors. Hes tg main reason, I can’t go into detail or else itll be 8 months of reading long but hes Meade me resent my mom. He’s created problems with all my siblings and my mom sided with him and kicked them out so that doesn’t help, my dad has no room at all in his house and my grand parents are just like my mom. Ive been suicidal since I was like 12 and when my therapist called my mom and told her I was having suicidal thoughts and had a plan mapped out my mom asked if it was just ‘normal teenage thoughts’ ?? Like wtf. Anyway ive failed every term and every year of middle school and im in my last term of 8th grade, im probably going to get held back. I don’t know what to do with my life, the only thing stopping me from killing myself is my sisters and my cat. And the fact that in my religion I’ll go straight to hell if I kill myself for ‘not being strong enough to go through allahs plan for me’ and ruining his creation or wtv. My therapist emails cps but they basically responded with ‘well theres no physical abuse so we don’t really care’ to sum it up. Anyway idrk what to do w my life so im on here to ask what to do.