How to identify when I’m masking?!

Hiiii,

I’m 41, recently diagnosed, and recovering from a huge period of burnout.

In my assessment my psych said I rated in the top 99th percentile for masking on one of the questionnaires… yay top marks 🪦

I want to stop masking but I’m struggling to even identify how or where or when I am masking! Like I cannot tell the difference.

Does anybody have tips for how to notice when you are masking? Or examples of it? My interoception is poor and the alexithymia doesn’t help at all.

I know I emotionally and physically “brighten up” when I’m around people, I smile more, my tone is more chirpy and I laugh a lot.

Sometimes this feels like masking because as soon as the interaction ends - like a work call or talking to the barista - my mood drops back to a much more neutral setting.

But other times with my besties (who are all ND) I also behave like this but it feels… good?

Ugh I don’t know where to begin 😣