My partners nan is a narcissist. Can I confront her?

Hello, unsure where else to post this, just a bit of background my partner and I are 21 with our first born child that is 6 months old, we have been together for almost 6 years however known, and been bestfriends, for 9 years.

We have recently discovered that his nan is a narcissist. We will call her Sarah. Sarah has done an awful lot to us the past year alone and I am just so angry about everything and I’m not sure how to deal with it all.

Just a few things that she’s done.

1)My parents and my partners parents and us was going through a rocky patch just not getting along, Sarah used this to her advantage and tried her best to pull us away from them and isolate us to make us feel like the only people we could truly rely on was Sarah and her husband.

2)when I was giving birth we attempted to come in a minimum of 4 times because she was jealous that MY MUM was in the room with us and not her.

After I gave birth to my son, my parents was going to the same place as Sarah and offered Sarah a lift home which she said no. She said she was going to sleep in the hospital and then drive us home the next morning because “my partner would be too tired to drive”…. I know. Anyways, I gave birth at 1:26. At about 4-5am she THEN decided to go home and got my partner to drive her home (45 minute drive there) she made him drive her home anyways on 0 sleep, then drive back to me get a rough couple of hours of sleep and then drive me and our baby home.

3)my partner and I was renting a flat with her for 3 months, (long story) during these 3 months I had just given birth so my baby was 1 - 3 months during this time, she kept trying to micro manage me and talk through the baby to me, example “is mummy not feeding you?” A second after baby would barely cry. (I’m breastfeeding). she’d ask me questions that she knew I’d not know the answer to (my partner works in the sam industry as she did which is investment banking) “so does *name* understand how to *says some investment banking lingo that she knows id have no clue about*” I’d say, to be honest I’m not quite sure. Just before I finish my last word she’d wave her hand at me and go “don’t worry I’ll ask him myself”. There is a ridiculous amount of much worse examples I could give but they just require a bit more context.

This example is a very big one that 100% changes our relationship with her completely. My uncle (whom I was very very close to he was more of a second dad) died from suicide a week before I gave birth. His funeral was in the same month as I gave birth (I birthed my baby on the 4th and his funeral was on the 30th) Sarah met him a handful of times and decided that she’d like to attend the funeral. The night before the funeral she came into my home and asked if she could go to the house before the actual ceremony part (unsure on what that is called) I said that it wasn’t my place to say yes or no as I didn’t know how all of that bit was organised I just knew that my partner and I had been invited to the house and that was it. Anyways, she then asked if she could come along with us in which I said no as we had a small car at that time I would sit in the backseat with baby in a car chair and the front seat would be covered with bags, the boot could only fit the wheels of our buggy because of how small this car was, besides the point anyways. Sarah drives and often does like 2 hour drives to go pick up her other grandchildren, the funeral was a 15minute drive away. I said to Sarah I don’t want you in our car simply because I am grieving a huge part of my life, I want to be in my own bubble with my partner and my newborn. Anyways. We went to the funeral and we couldn’t find Sarah anywhere, (not that we was looking because we was focused on the funeral) half way through the funeral Sarah storms over to my partner hands him a card to give to my uncles mum and storms off. All she says is “give this to *my great aunts name*” my partner didn’t think much of it and so he did. Anyways, that VERY next day, Sarah showed up at our house, we of course let her in not realising anything was wrong of course, she then caused a huge argument whilst I was breastfeeding my newly born son, my partner was telling her to leave. She was shouting at us for not letting her get into the car to come to the funeral with us. “My own grandson couldn’t even take his Nan to a funeral” then she changed it to “You couldnt even look for me at the funeral and be with me and make sure I was okay” (she barely knew my uncle like my partner and I did. If anyone was checking on anyone she should’ve came to us. Or better yet, should’ve seen my uncles mum) so yeah. That argument happened, eventually that did get solved.

After we left the flat, they didn’t talk to us at all. When we did see them, they would ignore us or make some sort of dig to other family about us.

Easter then came round and she buys my son a gift. My partner took the gift to her and said “do not buy my son a gift after ignoring us and making the comments you’ve made” she shouted at him and told him to get out. She had a spare key to our home so my partner said to her he wants the spare key first. So she threw it at him and slammed the door on him.

Since then we have not heard or seen them at all.

Now this is where I need advice on how to handle all of this. There is so much more to this story but that would take me days to write out, I am just so angry that I haven’t been able to really give her a piece of my mind. I haven’t been able to get closure on everything that she caused me. There was special moments of my pregnancy and the very beginning of enjoying my son that she ruined and at the time we didn’t realise how wrong everything was, it was like we had some sort of mask on.

I just needed to get this out here because I feel like I talk about it way too much to my partner and I think he just needs a break from hearing about it all. It’s drains me even just thinking about it so I know it’s also draining him.

How can I get closure on this situation? Do you think I should say something and give her a piece of my mind?

Is it best to never let her back into our lives?

Thank you to all of you’s that’s read this whole post I really appreciate it.

I’m just honestly so angry, I’m angry mostly at myself for letting myself get so manipulated so easily by her. There was things that I think about now and just think wtf as if I let that happen and didn’t even bat an eyelid?

She’s just such a horrible nasty woman. She has to have control and micromanage everyone it’s so draining.

Anyways yeah, thank you guys again for reading.