In the trenches

just a rant because I'm going through it today. 3 weeks postpartum. c section recovery not great. still feeling stabby at my incision and my nerves all around feel hyper sensitive and inflamed. I'm exclusively breastfeeding and my newborn is cluster feeding. I'm feeding him constantly and if he's not attached to my boob he's screaming. I know he's getting enough bc the pediatrician confirmed he gained 1lb in 7 days. I miss my 4 year old so much. I feel so disconnected from her and it's breaking my heart. I never have enough time to play with her. my husband works 2nd shift so I'm doing the afternoon, dinner, baths, and bedtime alone. right now my daughter is in bed and I'm stuck feeding him (despite the fact that he ate less than an hour ago). my mouth is dry- I forgot my drink in the living room, and I need a shower bc postpartum bo is no joke but the likelihood of me getting one is slim. I'm sleep deprived. I'm sleeping in one hour increments at best.

overall I just feel like I'm so bad at this, that I'm failing, and that I'm a terrible mom for getting so frustrated by this tiny baby and not having enough time for my daughter anymore. I know it will get better but I just want that to happen now because I don't think I'm cut out for this.