I don’t really know how to start this one, well technically I do but like idk so I’m just going to be honest.

Age regression has been one of the most confusing, scary, and strangely comforting things I’ve experienced. It’s such a weird weird feeling 

On one side of it, it feels safe. Like everything softens a little. My thoughts slow down, the pressure eases, and I don’t feel like I have to hold everything together so tightly. There’s something really peaceful about letting myself exist in that space, even if it’s just for a little while. It can feel healing in a way I don’t always understand, like I’m giving myself something I didn’t realize I needed.

But at the same time… it’s terrifying. It’s so so so scary. 

It’s scary not always feeling fully in control of when it happens, or how deeply I slip into it. It’s scary knowing that if I explain it to the wrong person, they might misunderstand me completely. And it’s even scarier trying to trust someone with that part of myself, knowing how vulnerable it is.

Trying to find people…friends, or even someone who could fit a more supportive/caregiver role..has been one of the hardest parts. Not just because it’s rare, but because it requires a level of trust that feels almost impossible sometimes. You’re basically handing someone the softest, most unguarded version of yourself and hoping they won’t mishandle it. Which can be really scary sometimes too..

And I won’t lie, that fear has made me hold on too tightly sometimes… and other times, it’s made me push people away before they can even get close.

So I’ve been learning, slowly, what it means to let go a little..literally 

Not in a “stop caring” way, but in a “stop forcing things to work” way, but I don’t wanna Letting connections happen naturally, letting people show who they are, and accepting that not everyone is meant to understand me. That doesn’t make me wrong, I hope..it just means I need the right people.

I think that’s where the healing is starting to happen, I think? It’s all confusing still 

In accepting that this part of me isn’t something to be ashamed of, even if it’s complicated. In realizing that I deserve patience and kindness, not just from others, but from myself too, which maybe I do, maybe I don’t..idk 

I’m still scared, if I’m being honest.. Still figuring everything out as I go.

But I’m trying, I really really am 

And maybe that counts for something.

More thoughts 😓