Something silly made me feel really mopey this evening and I need a little vent. It's long, I'm sorry.

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and very excited about our baby. I feel fortunate to not have terrible symptoms besides insomnia and fatigue, and fortunate to be pregnant at all as a 40 year old FTM.

But I was scrolling Instagram in the bathroom today and saw a lady say how happy she was about the signed books she got for the baby from family and friends at her baby shower, and I crumbled.

My family is in another country, 3000 miles away from me. Due to circumstance, I've seen them once in the past 3 years and will not see them before the baby is born so any joy is shared via phone calls. I had a lot of friends in my home country, but since I moved, and they have spouses and kids, they're less and less good about being in touch. I got married here in the US, just a courthouse wedding with 4 guests, and all those people I'd supported through engagements, weddings, new homes, multiple babies, didn't even think to send a card.

We've recently gone NC with my husband's parents for some pretty serious reasons and dysfunctional behavior on their part, as well as an issue with another family member that they got involved with. Without asking why we chose that route, his sister and a friend who is like a sister to him both decided to stop speaking to us and blocked me (only me) on social media. Prior to this, they had been my only two friends here - I didn't previously work or have a vehicle so I didn't have much opportunity to make new pals. They haven't asked either of us about the situation and have decided to be upset with us over lies both parents have spread about us. We think it's reflective of the level of dysfunction in the group and the stress of going against the status quo. His family is aware that we're having our first child and, with the exception of one brother and SIL who wanted to hear the truth and are supporting us, no one in his family have asked him a single thing about the baby. Only his mother text him to say congratulations.

We've also recently moved to a new state so neither of us know anyone here either. My husband works alone and I work from home so not really conducive to making new pals.

We are blessed. We love our new state, we love our apartment and our new area, we have a puppy we adore, and my husband has wonderful friends back in his home state. We both have jobs. We have a lot to be thankful for. But sometimes it makes me feel sad that we don't get to celebrate the way other people seem to. I won't be having a baby shower like all my friends that I've been to, the people who previously might have been excited for us decided to abandon us, and instead of sharing in the fun of choosing names and planning things with friends and family, we're just... getting on with it.

So I cried in the bathroom. I didn't want to tell my husband because he's already heartbroken about how his family have/are treating me. And I don't want to tell my family because they're also hurt for me about all the above and I don't want to make them sadder, especially when they can't do anything about it. I know crying over a baby shower sounds stupid but it is what it is.