I cannot stand my friend‘s relationship

I‘ve posted about this before, and I know it’s toxic and unhealthy, but I‘m just mad about the fact my friend got together with the guy I had a crush on at first (which she didn’t know about). I cannot stand to see them being happy together since it always seems like someone‘s rubbing the fact that this is what I could’ve had (if I tried) but didn’t get into my face. I often think about how I want them to just break up which I know is bad but I can’t suppress these thoughts. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m literally such a pathetic loser for thinking about this instead of finally getting myself and my life together.