what am i ?

hey gizee so for a while i’ve been questing my sexuality and its been puzzling and perplexing to figure out where i fall under the sexual orientation.

for context :: I’m agender and identify as demi-romantic and demisexual. I’ve always been attracted to women, not a doubt. But I’ve struggled a lot with internalized homophobia, especially since my mom found out I was dating a girl about five years ago and did not support at all.

Because of that, I sometimes try to convince myself that I’m bisexual or that I like men more than I actually do. The truth is, I’m not really sure. I can find men aesthetically attractive, but when I look back at my past relationships with men, my feelings were never as deep or genuine as they were with women. It often felt more like I was obsessed with the attention and affection they gave me rather than to them as people. ( it can kinda be because i didn’t even like them in the first place and just dated them so i would appear as “straight” )

Would I date a man? Maybe. But would I truly love him or want a sexual relationship with him? HELL NO!!

So I’m left feeling confused about what label, if any, fits me. I know I like women, but I don’t fit neatly into binary terms like “women loving women,” since I’m not a woman. I’ve also seen people be dismissive or rude toward people, especially those assigned male at birth ( i hate that term but u get what i mean ) who identify as lesbian or sapphic, and that makes me hesitant. I was AFAB so under normal circumstances i would be consider a lesbian but I’m not a girl.

basically I guess I’m trying to understand where I fit, and how things like gender and assigned sex at birth actually relate to orientation, if they even should at all.

TLDR

I’m agender and demi-romantic/sexual, and I know I’m genuinely attracted to women but Because of internalized homophobia, I’ve tried to convince myself I like men, but in reality, my experiences with men felt more obsessive of affection than real attraction. I’m confused about what label fits me since I’m not a woman, but I’m mainly into women, and I’m unsure how gender and labels like sapphic or lesbian apply to me.