I’m done dealing with the stupidity of my fraternity

I can’t tell if I’m in the wrong or i went too far, but I’ve never been honestly good with dealing with other people. I wanted to use a fraternity as my way to get a more social time in college, but it has led to a lot of problems. I currently work for the military and got deployed a few years ago which I believe may have played into how my personality is, but I am not good at dealing with the idea of, “whatever, things happen” because someone did something stupid. I like to have a sense of discipline and I believe that one should be held accountable for a mistake they make, or at least make some kinda of effort to show they care enough about a mistake they made, especially for a friend.

We got a relatively brand new house for the fraternity. With in less than a year there are holes in the walls, people can’t find it in themselves to clean up there own dishes when there done, beer cans just fill up the entire house multiple days of the week. Initially I took the time to do my best to help those who want to make the fraternity a better place by cleaning up when necessary, but when almost everyone in the fraternity has the mindset of “yeah someone else can do it” I lost my sense of being empathetic and keep mostly to myself now. My major requires a lot of time and effort to keep up with so barely show up to events, but when they are required I do my best. Anyway:

I am usually a very quiet guy as I believe that getting into stupid fights is not the best with things, but this was the last straw for me.

Today was one of our events for initiation week. Before we get into one of our events, guys are playing basketball outside the house in the back. I come out waiting for the last 5 minutes to go by before we start the event. I see that my car has a beer can on it. I don’t think much of it, but it irks me that I have a relatively nice car that I put my heart into to keep clean as I bought it after a year of deployment. My big is not currently in the match they are playing, but gets the ball from his spot he’s sitting. Thinking nothing of he goes for the score, misses, hits my car and the beer can goes all over my entire back of my car, the can was full. Usually I would not say anything but two things stuck in my mind. One was that no one outside had the balls after seeing that to apologize to me about it or say that they would clean it up. Second was my big brother was right next to me as he did it, and didn’t have a care in the world.

I spoke up in front of everyone in the fraternity and said that I wanted to know whose beer that was. He came up and finally apologized after I called him out. On top of that, my big gave me a casual “f- off” from me asking him to clean it up (granted I know I came at him hard). I skipped that event to blow some steam off at the gym, and I’m not sure if I honestly can deal with this much disrespect for me personally, but also the level of immaturity that seniors can have in this scenario and not have some genuine empathy. One apology would have good in my book without me searching for it.

Yes I understand that my big is not totally responsible, but I believe that he would have a sense of dignity to at least apologize, especially when he’s the so called “car guy” in the frat who goes nuts when others touch his truck.

Fraternity members or those of a more professional view I have a few questions.

1. Was I in the wrong for standing up for myself in this circumstance, did I go too hard, and if I did please let me know what I should have done.

2. Is there another professional space I could go to instead of a party fraternity for a social group as well? I was thinking that finding a formal fraternity focused on a major or idea of work would be better. I would like some form of decency between a group of people.

3. If you’re a fraternity member or have some experience with one, is this how it is everywhere? I would imagine a larger fraternity at a larger school would have a more professional group, but I honestly don’t have much experience with other colleges.