I constantly lie and push back my tasks, and i hate myself for it

For about 3-4 years now, ever since i started online high school classes, i've been pushing them back (not doing them), and constantly lying to my parents about it. i got caught several times, and every time, it was pure chaos in the house. The first time i ever got caught, my dad hit me for the first time. I've experienced all of that, and for some reason, i STILL lie and push back my tasks. I genuinely hate myself so much because of it. My parents say that i'm looking down at them/taking them lightly, but that's really not how i think at all. They've also grown tired of me, my mom would basically cuss me out because of it. And i get into this emotional cycle of "this is all my fault i deserve to get shit talked like this → but the things they say still hurt so much → wait am i tryna victimize myself? even if it hurts i have no say i started this". I genuinely want to fix myself. I don't know whats wrong with me. I don't know if this is something to do with pure laziness, or if it's a mental thing, but i hate myself so much. It's not like my parents are asking for perfection, they've never asked for that. They just want me to be "normal", since doing these classes should be the bare minimum right now.