I am a 'mentally ill' short man who cannot see any other option than ending my life, inevitably.

My height has "fluctuated", meaning I have been labelled 5'9, 5'10, 5'6, 5,3 and so on. I have faced subconscious mockery throughout my life, meaning people look down on me without even realising, to rhem I am 'subhuman'.

Being 18 years old, it always attracts the delusion crowd of, "You're young, you'll meet somebody, you'll grow, you have value." These are coping mechanisms made by hopeful people who have no idea how good they have it, no idea at all.

No girl is ever going to want me, why would they? Looking at a nihilistic viewpoint, it doesn't have much value anyway, somewhat redundant, however, why wpuld a girl go for me. I'm 47kg, not ideal I know, and there are taller, fittee, more superior guys out there, and any of the 'personality' crowd can get lost.

But yeah, I feel little purpose, no optimistic nihilism here folks. There is the hand of toral nothingness and I continue reaching out for it and cannot control myself.