Unromantic Mormon Marriage

TLDR: My (30s M) Mormon upbringing led me to marry for practical and spiritual reasons - not for romance. Daily life isn’t awful, but the consistent ache for a romantic relationship is starting to eat at me. Trying to figure out whether to accept or pursue something more.

The story is a common one (I think). Two really devout RMs at a Church University that meet date and get married with within a year. We were both “older“ compared to our peers (I was 23 she was 21 lol) as singles at a church school, so pressure was on. While we had fun dating, it was clear that we were both evaluating each other for marriage and spent lots of time talking about practical pieces of the fit (what we each wanted our lives to look like what our family backgrounds were like, and of course, the testimony).

Even back then, I definitely noticed and I think she did too that we didn’t have a real natural romantic connection. There was enough that we liked about each other, but whether it was hugging, kissing, expressing affection through words, none of it came real naturally at any point. The night before our wedding, she texted me to meet after we had gone to bed to ask if I was going to go through with it the next day, basically saying she was afraid I was going to run. I felt a similar feeling, but not because I didn’t trust her to show, but because I think we both knew we weren’t romantically in love with each other.

Now 9 years in, we’ve had a consistent rhythm that has matched that same feeling. Most of the time we are mostly pragmatically connected, enjoy spending time together sometimes, can be supportive, but there are rarely romantic feelings or experiences if at all. We have kids that we love and are committed to. But since my deconstruction, and her semi-deconstruction (she goes between PIMO and out), it seems clear that we both are re-evaluating what we want our lives to look like and notice something is missing.

When we’ve talked about it, she mostly focuses on her lack of dating experiences prior to marriage and sees that as the cause - almost like she just has to learn how to be affectionate. I experience it as she’s not deficient in any way, she’s just not into me in that way despite the ways we appreciate each other in day to day life.

Trying to get us to couples therapy. In the meantime, is anyone else in this situation? I’ve reflected a lot and know this isn’t some surface level mid-life crisis. I’m not craving casual surface level sexual experiences or some superficial thing. I just feel like we got stuck into an arrangement of convenience instead of romance, and now there are high stakes with our kids. Will I mess them up more by staying in a relationship that they will likely eventually notice isnt real intimate? Or by initiating a potential separation/divorce?

Any advice or commiseration is welcome.

PS A complicated piece of this is gender. I see sentiments like this from female perspectives sometimes, but I worry that sharing this as a male will lead to it being reduced to an oversimplified r/deadbedrooms situation. While sex and physical intimacy are a piece of it, it’s not the main piece by any means. I’m open to hearing about my blind spots. Dudes wanna love and feel love too. At least this one does.