Why do I keep thinking about something that bothers me? I'm so annoyed.

Thoughts about why, how, what if, and when

These thoughts from awful situations

almost prevent me from doing what I should and leave me drowning in procrastination, daydreaming, awful annoyance, and depression. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be in those situations, that no one sees me or I don't see anyone. I just want to escape from everything and be somewhere where no one knows me. I want to feel free, to be hidden from the eyes of others, to feel free from everything living or physical that surrounds me, people and inanimate objects.

Most of the time I'm immersed, distancing myself from everything around me, escaping into the world of social media. I don't want to, but what can I do? It's my only escape, my safe haven. At least it keeps my mind occupied, preventing me from drowning in self-pity and self-loathing. Social media allows for both venting and self-absorption simultaneously, and I don't like that, but not as much as I hate my reality and what surrounds me. I dream of a day when I wake up and find no living soul staring at me, no sound of street noise, cars, or crowded places, no one nearby shouting or even speaking. I dream of a day when I don't hear the ringing of bells, the sounds of phones, or the noise of neighbors whispering. I dream of a day when I wake up by the sea, surrounded by meadows, and hear nothing but the waves and the rustling of yellow flowers.