[2697] INVENTORY ERROR CH1 REDRAFT

I posted the first draft of this story already so I took all the feedback I could and tried to patch some stuff up.

Does the story feel like it's moving forward now? Is it more coherent?

Are the characters likable or distinct at least?

Would you keep reading past this?

Of course, any other feedback would be appreciated.

Posted Apr 20, 2026, 6:25 AM UTC