How to combat respectability politics?

I'm sure many have dealt with this before as well but there's been times I've been hyper aggressive against transphobes and quote "people on the left" who think that we should abandon the trans community if we wanna win elections while also pushing the "they're teaching unscientific material in schools", and there's been those even those who are trans themselves that have scolded me for being mean to them, and that if you want them to understand then you have to be nice and basically handhold and sing kumbaya them because it's "just praxis", and that if you tell them to screw off then you're to blame if they become more transphobic

To me this is just thinly veiled therapy speak implying the only way to reach trans acceptance is being nice to your oppressors and those who want you to have less rights, I hate that shit

If anyone could please offer some help when arguing against these types I'd love to hear it, thanks