My last hope is that my demon is scared of flying.

When I was 13 years old happily living aussie I was asked by my parents if I wanted to move to the UK. My answer was no but that didnt matter because I didnt really have a vote.

When I look back on my life, where did it all go wrong? When did my mental state change I trace it to that voyage.

Since all that time I have felt this depression hang over me in some form or another. More advanced as the years drew on. But I have never felt it on another countries soil.

I was born in the middle east, Im a white birttish/aussie dual national who was born to parents who were seeking the construction goldrush of the middle east in the early days. We lived between Australia and the middle east for 4-5 years at a time while my father built a project and then moved on. Life was as perfect as any author could hope to write.

Once I moved to the UK things changed, I was only 13 but life got a lot darker. I dont want to get into it too much because i dont think its important. What important is ive only ever felt that way while stood in the UK

Now and adult I have traveled out of the UK many times for holidays, usually for no more than two weeks ofcourse. However when i go on holiday i dont feel this depressive presence over me..

Now you can say youre on holiday! ofcourse you feel that way! But what is the difference between a holiday and normal life except you get a local job and live there? none of which seems like a depressive idea to me?

This has gone on for some time and im still currently residing in the uk but recently lost my job and im at an all time low. And im sat here with about 5k i can liquidate + flight tickets thinking to myself 'Is my demon afraid of aeroplanes?'